Save The World, Stop Getting Along!

Neofash dweeb Eric Bolling, guest-hosting for Glenn Beck, said something yesterday that's almost stunning when you think about it:

"Political correctness, can't we all just get along? It gets people killed, does it not?"

'Getting along' gets us 'killed'? I'd never thought about it before. Thank you Eric Bolling for straightening my thinking and showing me how I can make the world a better place.

Effective immediately, I will start yelling abuse at my next door neighbor - maybe burn down his stupid house - instead of politely saying "hi" like some dumb, politically correct automaton. Who knows when the friendly bastard was planning to kill me while I slept as we carried on this dangerous charade of 'getting along'?

In the Mid-east, I'll pray those Jews and Muslims keep not 'getting along' as they do so well... how many people might get killed out there if they ever stopped? I shudder to think.

And what about Rwanda? What about Bosnia? What about Iraq..? Just wonder at all the lives that must have been saved in those oases of tranquility thanks to their inhabitants' aversion to 'just getting along'. Thank God for the curative power of not 'getting along'.

Maybe what we really need is a new, Fox News-endorsed Jesus. Maybe he'd buzz down from Heaven in an F16 and admonish all us faggy peaceniks for getting along. "Sure," says Fox Jesus, "I'll turn the other cheek. So y'all can kiss my white ass!"

Inhofe's One-Man Wingnut Circus Goes International

Jim Inhofe flies half-way round the world to make an idiot of himself. Did no-one tell him he could have stayed home and done that?

Using taxpayer money, climate-change-denying Jim Inhofe flew to Copenhagen to put on a wingnut sideshow for anyone who would listen. But he found the European press less eager to humor nutjobs than their US counterparts:

A reporter asked: "If there’s a hoax, then who’s putting on this hoax, and what’s the motive?"

"It started in the United Nations," Inhofe said, "and the ones in the United States who really grab ahold of this is the Hollywood elite."

Another reporter — from Der Spiegel — told the senator: "You’re ridiculous."

Do we really need the Germans to do our job for us and show up the dumbasses we elect for what they are? And how the hell do we end up funding field trips for wrong-wing cretins whose only purpose seems to be to make us look even more stupid in the eyes of the world?

Chuck Norris Off His Meds

In today's Human Events op ed by the venerable Chuck Norris, he says:

"Lastly, as we near the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary had been covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor and uninsured teenage woman had been provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind if their parents had been as progressive as Washington's wise men and women! Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn?"

Yeh, and merry f*cking Christmas to you too Chuck. Gotta love this reader comment:

Devolution Continues... Meet The Necky!

For those of us challenged by the technology of pants, there's the Snuggy. Now there's the "Necky" for those of us who are similarly baffled by scarves. Or guys who like to look as if they're wearing their mom's turtlenecks.

Oh my... what do we do in summer? Dispense with clothes altogether and roam the land as naked retards? I'm waiting for paint-on clothes in a can to become commercially available.

Happy Holidays!

This 45-year-old man dressed as an elf and lined up to see Santa at Southlake Mall in Atlanta. When he got to the front, he told Santa he was carrying dynamite. The mall was evacuated and he faces several charges, including having hoax devices and making terroristic threats.

Must be an Elf Qaeda extremist. Cue a Bill O'Reilly "war on Christmas" rant...

Praying For Orly Taitz

Spot the Orly Taitz supporter...

I know, I know... picking on Dr. Orly Taitz Esquire is like shooting paraplegic fish in a tiny barrel with a bazooka. But this prayer by one of her minions posted on her blog is worth mention:

"Dr. Taitz is perhaps the most courageous woman in these here United States. She is the only one who has the guts to continue her fight, even though the judges and the court system is corrupt and being paid off by the Hussein administration. I pray for Dr. Taitz every night before I go to sleep. God tells me that everything will be OK in the end. Our African president will be in Jail and the Constitution will be validated. My prayer:

“Sweet Jesus I beseech you to listen to my humble prayer. Protect Dr. Orly Taitz and keep her from harm. She is doing your work here on earth. For thine is the kingdom of heavent, etc., etc.”

We are with you 120%!!"

Sweet Jesus indeed. As a sidenote, here's a list of other words besides 'Heaven' that Taitz fans can't spell (or non-existent words they can spell) as evidenced by the first post on her homepage:

diobolical, postpondment, decison, intrest, resovle, Prospartity, internationl, discuise, inteligence, compasion, outstnding, incredable, tourch, becan

This breaks down to one out of every 29 words misspelled. I know conservatives are morally opposed to Spellcheck, but this must be some kind of record.

Pastor J. Grant A-Hole

Pastor J. Grant Swank paints a picture of a brewing apocalypse between the forces of good and evil. But Swank seems to believe in some kind of weird reverse exegesis where the bigger the liar, the more self-serving the hypocrite, the holier is the person. Good to Swank, therefore, is represented by conservatives. Bad is the province of anyone who still believes in the separation of church and insanity.

In his latest diatribe, Swank refers to Obama as a 'cancer sore' and says "Palin is the antithesis to Obama. Palin represents a biblical way of life. Obama represents a satanic cult."

For the millionth time, can't we just start ignoring our fascist hillbillies and the dribbling f*ckwits who listen to them in the hope that they'll just go away? There is no debate in America. There is rational and there is dumb.

I don't care if you call yourself a secessionist, a teabagger, an evangelical or a libertarian. You are a dumb a**hole and you need to vacate the grown-up table and go spar wits with the toddlers. Self-aggrandizing bigotry and infantile fantasies about small government cannot be viewed as arguments meriting debate. So just f*ck off and take your lunatic pastors with you.

Quote For The Day

"I just look at her in disgust. ... It's almost funny, that she's like, 46 years old, and she's battling a 19 year old, and I'm winning."

Levi Johnston reacting to Sarah Palin on Oprah.

I'm reminded of when I first heard Palin announced as McCain's running mate. Suddenly the dying campaign was unstoppable and the Democrats were quaking in their Crocs... At least according to the wingnut blogs. I remember feeling uneasy because I thought Palin was a joke from the get go. But was I missing something??? This year has proved the answer: a big fat, unequivocal no.

Bringing Home The Gold

"I am a Michigan man who won it for the nation; I brought it home... I went there not so much with a strategy, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to let anyone get into my head."

Yay. We won something. What? Tim Conrad is now the undisputed world champion of Rock Paper Scissors after winning the World Championship in Toronto Saturday. Oh just f*** off.

Stupidest Comment Ever

Being something of a connoisseur of stupid-ass comments, I was truly impressed with this offering from Bill3 commenting at Propeller.com. Read the story top and Bill's comment below:


If there's such a thing as 'classic stupid', this is it.

Robert Erickson: You Rock!

At the anti-immigration Tea Party at the Minnesota State Capitol on Saturday, one speaker was a "concerned citizen from Minneapolis" named Robert Erickson.

Erickson made a typical anti-immigration speech that raised all the right 'yehs!' and cheers from the teabaggers. But none of the assemble geniuses noticed or understood that he was punking them by using the prefix 'European' whenever he spoke of illegal immigrants.

"Let’s send these European immigrants back where they came from! I don’t care if they are Polish, Irish, English, Italian, or Norwegian! European immigrants are responsible for the most violent and heinous crimes in the history of the world, including genocide and slavery! Its time to restore the sovereignty of people native to this land!"

At the end of Erickson's speech the crowd, still clueless, joined him in a rousing chant of "Columbus Go Home!" To say these libertardian nativist wang hangars are stupid does them a gross injustice. They are profoundly and hilariously dumb.

Going Congressional, Part Four

"We're losing this one guys... break out the baby."

John Shadegg (R-AZ) is the gift of stupid that just keeps giving. During yesterday's debate on healthcare, he wheeled on a prop baby (on loan from his Chief of Staff) and prefaced every point in his speech with 'Maddie says'. Like "Maddie says she doesn't want the government to take away her health insurance, Maddie just wants to keep the insurance she has..." and other such highly embarrassing crap.

Last month I added two new words to Urban Dictionary in Shadegg's honor after he rose to prominence in the highly competitive sport known as 'Which Republican Can Be The Biggest Dumbass?'.

Despite the success of star players like Michele Bachmann and Joe Wilson, I still think Shadegg has the right stuff to be an all-time hall-of-famer - the veritable Babe Ruth of asshattery if you will. (Related: Going Congressional, Parts 1 through 3)

Random Picture of the Day Too...

Yahoo! Answers takes up the 'abstinence only' sex ed slack.

First Acorn, Now Sesame Street?

"First, they came for Acorn, and I did not speak out..." But Oscar The Grouch? Really?

"I can’t even sit my kids in front of “Sesame Street” without having to worry about the Left attempting to undermine my authority."

Says some loon posting as Stage Right at Big Hollywood.

Oh my... Now Sesame Street is under wingnut fire? What gives? Have Bert and Ernie finally been busted as sodomites? Has The Count been exposed as an undocumented alien? Nope. It's all about Oscar The Grouch:

"Oscar starts his own news network, GNN (Grouchy News Network). An irate viewer calls in to berate him that the news is not grouchy enough: "I am changing the channel. From now on I am watching ‘Pox’ News. Now there is a trashy news show.""

Stage Right goes on:

"Later in the episode, Anderson Cooper from 4th place CNN, guest stars as a reporter for GNN. He interacts with “Walter Cranky” and “Dan Rather-Not” — Muppets representing real-life liberal news personalities — and they talk about “Meredith Beware-a” and “Diane Spoiler.” But no affectionate nicknames for Fox News personalities; no Spill O’Reilly or Brittle Hume — nope, and the only disparaging characterization of real-world news is reserved for Fox."

How's that for irony... wingnuts like their news channels biased as f*** and they scream 'Stalin!' at the mere suggestion of reinstating the Fairness Doctrine. But they whine about bias on Sesame Street???

If you thought this post was batsh** crazy, try the comments section where grown men angrily conflate Sesame Street with Acorn. And this:

"I first saw that episode last year and couldn't believe what I was hearing. We're watching Disney more now, but I have to monitor to make sure I explain things to my daughter when it does get left leaning."

Disney goes "left leaning"? Thanks "MerNJ". No wonder half the world thinks we're a**holes.

(Thanks Christiaan for the tip)

Ironic Typos

I caught Brian Kilmeade prattling on Fox PAC this morning about how Bob McDonnell won in Virginia because he talked about about real issues like "educations". That and the typo below inspired me to Google "educaton" as a for instance to see how many popped up. Very sad...

When Pranks Go Wrong

Five Virginia correctional officers have been charged with animal cruelty after whacking off a German Shepherd. Said Powhatan Commonwealth’s Attorney Robert B. Beasley Jr.:

"Essentially, he was touching the dog’s penis with his hand, the others were there filming it. That’s actually how we learned of it — there’s a video."

The intriguing part of the story is the defense. They're claiming it was all part of a hazing and that a newby K-9 guy was told "if you masturbate your K-9 unit, you’ll have greater control over it."

In the history of pranks backfiring with drastic consequences, prison guards facing time in their own prison for bestiality has to rank pretty high. Oops.

Hoffman Catches Lou Dobbs Paranoia

Earlier today, the Hoffman campaign and conservative bloggers threw a fit after somebody "slashed the tire of a Hoffman poll-watcher's truck."

Hoffman said, through clenched dirty aquarium teeth no doubt, "We just had a report that one of our pollsters in Clinton County just had their tires slashed... So I think the Democrats are doing everything they possibly can to steal this election away from the 23rd District."

But according the local police chief: "This was not a tire slashing - this was some guy who drove over a bottle and cut his tire."

Can I ask how much longer before America gets its 'I can't believe we used to take these people seriously' moment?

Random Picture of the Day

"We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away,” local police chief Jeff Cayler told CNN.

Not to be a snark, but how skilled an investigator do you have to be to track down two drunk retards who'd 'disguised' their faces with magic marker? Right on, Iowa Sherlocks.

Another C***servative 'Doh!'

Conservatives really ain't that smart. They yell and hate like champions but the old thought process remains an enigma to most of them. So it was when the WH released its visitor list and the wingnut herd stampeded at the news that Obama had been entertaining some dubious types.

Some dickweed at Townhall posted a few of the worsts:

George Soros - 4 times
Bill Ayers - 2 times
Jeremiah Wright - 1 time
Micheal Moore - 8 times
Micheal Jordan - 5 times
Unions Boss Richard Trumka - 8 times
Union Boss Andy Stern - 21 times
Alan Greenspan - 8 times

The comments section went into uproar. First up:

"Trumka is bad enough but understandable ... this election had consequences. Wm. Ayers however? Known individual that particpated in urban terror? In our White House? Obama is just dumb. As if this won't be used against him at the next campaign."

There seems to be some kind of new rule in effect these days. Whenever a wingnut accuses someone of being dumb, they will be proven to be waaaay dumber. Just in case any apoplectic wingnuts are interested, 'Bill Ayers', 'Jeremiah Wright' and 'Michael Jordan' were unrelated people with the same names. Altogether now..."Doh!"

GOP Acorning AARP

In what could well turn out to be a move tantamount to a suicide bid, the all-powerful GOP hate machine is now going after the AARP for its backing of 'Obamacare'.

Does anyone in the GOP even see a problem with attacking America's geezer union when most of their support comes from embittered over 55s? Are they banking on the 8% of 18-29-year-olds who support them instead? Or maybe they're going for other Republican strongholds like the dizzying 7% of Latinos or the magnificent 4% of black folks who still approve?

The party of 'no' is rapidly becoming the party of 'who..?'. And while I can't help smiling about that, there is still a nagging worry that when one party in our two-party system implodes it could really f*** with democracy.