Palin Groupies Wikipedia Kludge Busted

A kludge is a workaround, a quick-and-dirty solution, a clumsy or inelegant, yet effective, solution to a problem.

The kludge ethic was very much on show at Wikipedia recently when Palin fans logged on to rewrite the Paul Revere page to jibe with their Dear Leader's 'facts' (or faɔʇs). Long Live Kim Il Palin!

Thankfully, most of the headbangers soon saw their handiwork re-revised by saner folk who still retain an affection  for the truth. This, of course, left the headbangers fuming impotently about Wikipedia's "left leaning bias".

For f*ck's sake... these people really, really need to emigrate to North Korea cuz 'Merican they are not. Anti-intellectual personality cults and a slavish devotion to historical revisionism is all the rage there... here, we're more into straight-up stoopid. We don't hold with distorting facts, we prefer just to ignore them.

Sarah Palin's Serial Brain Gas

Via Gawker: Sarah Palin was still in New York earlier today when one of the city's seven million resident commies managed to "tag" her garish AmericaBus.

Then came Mooselini's latest historical brain fart:

“[Paul Revere] who warned, uh, the … the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringin’ those bells and, um, by makin’ sure that as he’s ridin’ his horse through town to send those warnin’ shots and bells that, uh, we were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free … and we were gonna be armed.”

So in Palin's world, it was Paul Revere who warned the British that the Americans were coming? Jeez, living will or not, there should be a serious talk about switching off her life support... it seems unnecessarily cruel to keep her hanging on in this brain-dead, permanent vegetative state. As ol' Keith used to say: "that woman is an idiot".

But really, I'm not offended that Palin is an idiot. America is chock-full of idiots - some very functional and successful at that. No, it's her refusal to rein in her idiocy and smart up, it's her doltish lack of intellectual curiosity and respect for knowledge that pisses me the hell off. She is a proud, stubborn, shameless, egomaniacal idiot determined to drag everyone down to her level rather than attempt to rise to the lowest common denominator herself.

Look at it this way: no-one minds the guy who farts at the bar and says "oops... sorry 'bout that." No-one really minds the guy who just goes red and stares at the floor without saying anything either - at least he looks suitably contrite. But Palin? This dumb b*tch is like the guy who lets out a giant, stinking fart and just goes "what?" when everyone starts coughing and fanning the air with their hands.

Ernest Goes To Government

Tom Marino, Pennsylvania pol and flunker of geography.

First we had Sarah Palin thinking Africa was a country. Now we have Tom Marino (R-PA) not knowing that Libya is part of Africa.

Jeez, I'm sick of these idiots.

How does a clueless f*ck like Marino get to help run a country when he clearly knows less about countries than most fifth-graders forget during recess? Screw the vogue-ish "big government" bull - it's not big government that's dangerous, it's dumb government. And that's what Marino, Michele Bachmann, John Cornyn, et al., are representing to the fullest.

Ponder on how America was a product of the Enlightenment... WTF happened? When did we throw out the rarified intellectualism of the founding fathers and go all "Ernest Goes To Government" instead? When did we go from James Garfield writing Latin and Greek simultaneously to idiots like Joe "You Lie" Wilson who seem scarcely capable of crayoning their own names? Was it the folksy anti-smartypantsism of Reagan that lowered the bar? Was it Gingrich's dullard 'revolution' of the 90s  that lowered our expectations? Did Bubba's blow job somehow make us give up on the idea of transcendent leadership? I don't know... but, at some point, we obviously did give up and decided it was OK to have idiots lead us. And now our federal and state governments teeter on the brink of collapse.

This is scary sh*t.

So I'd be 100% on-board with Crooks and Liars in wondering whether now would be a good time to institute a basic competence test for elected officials. For "dumb" America, that would be a great first step forward on the road to recovery. You don't know where Libya is? Then f*ck off out of the capitol and get a job at Subway. Wouldn't we all be safer for it?

My Sputnik Moment

Oh.

My.

God.

I'm sitting here in stunned silence wondering whether to just crawl up in a corner, assume a fetal position and sob... should I call a neurosurgeon??? You see, something awful happened: I agreed with Sarah Palin.

Mooselini's been catching flak again for talking like a giant 'tard in public as is her wont. Everyone's mocking her 'Sputnik' comment and filing it away under "dumb sh*t Sarah Palin Says". But I can't help agreeing with her because she's ri... she's righ... she's... f*ck it, not wrong.

Asked for her "thoughts" on Obama's State of The Union speech and the idea of the Sputnik moment, Palin said:

"When (the president) so often repeated the Sputnik Moment that he would aspire Americans to celebrate. He needs to remember that what happened back then with the former communist USSR and their victory in that race to space, yeah, they won, but they also incurred so much debt at the time that it led to the inevitable collapse of the Soviet Union."

Now I'm not defending this ignorant sh*t's instinctual opposition to America embracing some new grand plan that would reclaim our spot as the world's leading innovator... that's a different story. But there are many people attacking her just for claiming that it was the space race that made the USSR go broke like it's a dumb thing to say. Really? Read some history... Clearly, it ain't just conservatives who need to read up.

From Sputnik to the space shuttle, billions of Cold war dollars were blown on winning domination in space - just so one system could claim superiority over the other. Like when the Soviets launched Sputnik, it was branded by Khrushchev as a "triumph for Communism". Same when Yuri Gagarin became the first guy in orbit. Yeh, take that America! Capitalism sucks!

But America had plenty of cash to throw down on the game. We weren't sending guys up in rusty rockets held together with duct tape... we weren't diverting money away from feeding our people so we could splash out on fancy new space gizmos... we weren't literally running our national economy into the ground to win political points. The Soviets, being so eager to show the superiority of Communism, did.

So, there you go. I agreed with Sarah Palin. Now excuse me while I shoot myself.

Tragedy & False Equivalence. Again.

The mass shooting in Tucson inspired the NYT to step up the game of false equivalence the American media love to play:

Within minutes of the first reports Saturday that Representative Gabrielle Giffords, an Arizona Democrat, and a score of people with her had been shot in Tucson, pages began disappearing from the Web. One was Sarah Palin’s infamous “cross hairs” map from last year, which showed a series of contested Congressional districts, including Ms. Giffords’s, with gun targets trained on them. Another was from Daily Kos, the liberal blog, where one of the congresswoman’s apparently liberal constituents declared her “dead to me” after Ms. Giffords voted against Nancy Pelosi in House leadership elections last week.

How could anyone in their right mind, with even a shred of journalistic integrity, equate the violent right wing posturing that inspired the shooting with some random bitching from a liberal? This is unforgivable and pathetic.

For every Palin/Beck/Limbaugh/Hannity stoked atrocity, there is not an equal and opposite liberal impetus. This is not some law of moral physics. And there should be no "hang on, let's not rush to judgment...". F*cks like the Arizona 'libertarian' who gunned down Giffords and killed at least six other people today are not influenced by talk from the left. These people take notice of Palin/Beck/Limbaugh/Hannity. Palin/Beck/Limbaugh/Hannity are the fluffers of the psychotics with the power to turn nutbags into fully-functioning terrorists.

So in short, f*ck you NYT. And a f*ck you too to all those conservative blogs who are now busily clogging the Web with defenses of eliminationist rhetoric and pretending the violent bullsh*t being spewed out by Palin/Beck/Limbaugh/Hannity cannot possibly be to blame.

Sadism v. Dinner

This is just one of the countless ways in which I differ from Sarah Palin. She's calling non sport hunters hypocrites for suggesting she gets off on killing critters:

"Unless you've never worn leather shoes, sat upon a leather chair or eaten meat, save your condemnation."

Nope. Bullsh*t. Maybe if I ever appear on TV laughing as some unfortunate cow gets a bolt in the head to make me shoes, we can talk. But until then STFU.

Although I refer to myself as a 'redneck' I've never shot anything (or anyone) for fun. I've killed a couple of things when I was younger. But I ate them. I enjoyed running around in the woods, the hunt itself.  But I didn't relish the actual kill. In fact it made me feel a little sad and introspective... So, unlike Palin, I didn't take photos of myself gloating over the corpses (well, they were rabbits so that would have looked pretty dumb anyway). It was just dinner with exercise thrown in.

I tried watching Palin's Alaska the other day. That show was a full hour of Palin whining about everything. The only time she seemed happy was when she was punching the air after shooting another deer who'd unwisely stumbled into range. But blasting stationary deer to death using a telescopic sight and then congratulating yourself like you've done something more challenging than flicking on light switch? This woman, I thought, must be a straight f*cking sadist.

While sport hunting might be good ol' outdoorsy fun in the country, imagine it transferred to a city environment. We'd be talking shooting cats on fences, maybe shoving M18s up stray dogs' a**es for fun. No-one's getting dinner, no-one's doing anything skillful or challenging. They're just being d*cks to animals for their own enjoyment. Just like Ma Palin.

Nope. Pulling on leather shoes or chowing down on a burger is absolutely not the same as killing animals for no other reason than you enjoy it.

Stoopid & Proud

Yay! Stupid is our biggest national resource, our biggest export and now, it seems, it has become the new true. The New Oxford American Dictionary has named Mooselini's made-up word 'refudiate' its 2010 Word of the Year, defining it as:

refudiate: verb used loosely to mean "reject": she called on them to refudiate the proposal to build a mosque. 
[origin -- blend of refute and repudiate]

Thank you, OED, for sucking up to Palin by giving her the most elaborate path to winning an argument ever. Lexicographical tw*ts.

Impossible To Like

"You betcha..!" (Palin and her trademark "I said not in my eyes, Todd" look.)

Just been watching Michael Joseph Gross on Morning Joe talking about his Vanity Fair profile on Sarah Palin. Enlightening stuff.

Gross had explored the dark side of Mooselini yesterday detailing things like her fights with Todd, her Mafiosa-like appetite for revenge, and how she blew through thousands of dollars of Grandpa McCain's campaign money buying fancy underpants. Even as a Palin hater, I thought the article was kinda lame as it just seemed to dig up dirt to make her look more petty and conniving. As the wingnut commenters said, just another "hit piece", a "terrible, biased article". Or just plain redundant depending on your point of view.

But...

It should make those Palinistas who leaped to defend her pause when Gross says he had intended to write a sympathetic article but changed his mind the more he learned about her. Gross told Morning Joe that he'd identified with Palin as a fellow "small-town Christian" and used to think she'd got a bum rap from the smartypants media. But that was then... now he says "the worst stuff isn't even in there".

So discount the "Palin behaving badly" liberal catnip. The real takeaway from Gross' article should be that this wholesome, small-town hero is a complete f*cking bitch who's literally impossible to like once you know her. Even for people like Gross who profess to having been "sympathetic."

Bill O's Back

Bill O'Reilly seems to have been on the down-low since the murder of George Tiller last year. Could it be that Bill was given pause for thought after his incautious words were implicated in encouraging "pro-lifers" to kill? I don't know.

But after a recent on-air owning of Sarah Palin, it would seem he's back on form. Sure, Palin's a f*cking moron... but even so, the grace and skill with which Bill demolished her was a glory to behold. To paraphrase:

O'Reilly: So you oppose amnesty for undocumented workers and would send them all home?

Palin: Yup.

O'Reilly: So as a start you'd have all undocumented workers register with the feds so we know who they are and where they are?

Palin: Yup.

O'Reilly: And you'd send the ones who refuse home?

Palin: Yup.

O'Reilly: And let the ones who register go to work because you can't just starve them to death?

Palin: Err... yup.

There you go. Bill takes Mooselini from "No Amnesty" to "Amnesty" in about three sweet chess moves. This is the form that makes him tower head and shoulders above other Fox(ymoron News) neanderthals like Beck or Steve "dookie stick" Doocy. Give that man a falafel!

Palin-Sanity

Mooselini's latest whopper...

Said Palin in a speech at the International Bowl Expo in Las Vegas yesterday:

"My Dad was on a Thursday night bowling league," she said. "He bonded with his buddies. I have memories of that point of my life which mean very, very much to me."

Andrew Sullivan, that self-appointed curator of Palin's many lies, reminds us "Palin was three months old when she left Idaho." Therefore unlikely to remember much save blurred images of giant nipples and the occasional rattle of car keys.

There definitely comes a point when lying so prolifically and pointlessly crosses a line from self-serving dishonesty to straight-up insanity. Why the f*ck would anyone, even an idiot like Palin, drop a lie like that in public?

The Special Olympics Candidate

Unnamed reporter reacting to a Sarah Palin speech on open-mic:

"Oh my God, I feel like I just got off a roller coaster, going round and round, and up and down. Sh-t flying out … everywhere."

Naturally, the wingnuts are mad that a bunch of reporters had the audacity to criticize their own lobotomized Reaganette. Says Fox:

Several people were caught on an open mike mocking Sarah Palin for delivering a "roller coaster"-type speech after she addressed California State University, Stanislaus on Friday.

First, why 'caught'? Do Fox wish to imply that criticizing Palin is now a crime that you're 'caught' committing?

Second, they weren't any old Joes and they weren't mocking Palin: They were reporters. You know, guys expressing a professional opinion that Palin's speech was a confusing garbage pile of hackneyed claptrap.

So would Fox demand that all reporters treat Palin with the kind of respect and sensitivity she's pathologically incapable of extending to anyone else? Is Palin the right wing extremist's "Special Olympics" candidate? Should reporters just say what a wonderful job she does considering the manifold intellectual and rhetorical handicaps she struggles to overcome every time she opens her big dumb trap?

Damn. If you couldn't hack Toastmasters, you couldn't pass a lie detector test answering your own name, you make Brian Kilmeade look like Mark f*cking Twain... just maybe you have no business running for public office. Maybe Palin should just quit like a bad American Idol audition.

I hate to agree with Glenn Beck, absolu-f*cking-lutely I do, but I'm almost onside when he criticizes teachers and parents who reward mediocrity by giving mediocre kids rewards just for taking part. Aren't we supposed to be living in a meritocracy where low-bars and quotas are anathema to the RW? Isn't life supposed to be tougher than that? So shouldn't Fox stop treating Palin like the fat asthmatic kid in the Little League game no-one's allowed to say sucks and who gets a trophy just for showing up?

Tea Bag Toss

The Log Cabin Republicans of Los Angeles - the largest gay GOP organization in the country - is holding a "Tea Bag Toss" competition at the Los Angeles Pride celebration this weekend. According to a press release:

"Participants will purchase a tea bag and win a prize if they can successfully throw it through the open mouth of one of three politicians on the game board."

The three politicians presented as potential teabaggees will be Jerry Brown, Nancy Pelosi and Sarah Palin. Nice to see such a rare literal interpretation of teabagging by conservatives. Maybe now the dullards who prickle at the double entendre they coined will finally get the joke and stop blaming liberals.

Palin Blames Foreigners

There are many reasons to hate Sarah Palin. Her half-assed, quasi-fascist politics... her grating, nasal voice and her constant need to lie. Take your pick. She makes it impossible to imagine wanting to piss on her if she caught fire.

But the worst thing is that the bitch really is as dumb as a box of rocks. Example: It's been more than two weeks since BP's Deepwater Horizon rig keeled over and f*cked the gulf and it's taken her all this time to come up with an opinion. And what is her take? Why, it's all the fault of foreign oil. Says Business Insider's Joe Weisenthal:

According to Sarah Palin, the REAL problem behind the Deepwater Horizon oil spill is that BP is foreign (British).

But her "blame the foreigners" angle starts to go typically Palinesque (i.e., so intellectually dishonest it's just plain weird and self-defeating) when you consider that husband Todd worked for BP for 18 years. Why would you open that big can of worms?

What's next from Mooselini? Maybe "I blame terrorists for Times Square bomb"... followed by "Dammit, I forgot Todd used to be in the Taliban"?

Family Guy v. Saint Sarah of The Handicapped

On a recent episode of 'Family Guy', Chris dated a Down Syndrome girl. Sarah Palin is mad.

The feud between Sarah Palin and 'Family Guy' creator Seth MacFarlane makes me wonder how Palin is exhibiting the self-same double standard conservatives love to pretend is a tenet of liberalism.

For conservatives, leveling the playing field for disadvantaged minorities - things like affirmative action and federal help - are cynical ploys to create a culture of dependency. They like to suggest liberals don't value the people they advocate for as equals - just voting blocs of grateful minority 'victims'. But isn't this slur exactly what Palin's playing into?

For her, the Down Syndrome actress on 'Family Guy' shouldn't have been on TV doing a job, being a contributor... She should have stayed home like a human pet, a non-viable recipient of pity to be cared for by kindly Christians like Saint Sarah. God forbid, this 'victim' should have a voice and deem herself in any way worthy of cracking jokes at Palin's expense... That's just exploitation. Somehow.

As usual, Palin makes me want to drop the 'c' word... And that word (at least for today) is 'Condescending'.

Redneck Telprompter

There's more than 300 million people in the US, more than 6 billion on Earth. But, trust me, if you say 'dumb lying bitch', anyone from Toledo to Timbuktu will say "who? Sarah Palin?". She's the global village idiot who represents American values to the world. If our value was somewhere around zero.

One of Mooselini's favorite snipes at our teabagger-rilingly black president has always been his use of the teleprompter. For some reason, this is seen as cheating by idiots like Palin. So how ironic she's now caught referring to notes scribbled in the palm of her hand while 'speechifying'.

I'm so irresistibly reminded of the old 'redneck palm pilot' joke... maybe it should be updated for Palin: redneck teleprompter.

Sarah Palin Not So Retarded After All?

When liberal Democrats threatened to run ads against blue dogs who were holding out on health care reform, Rahm Emmanuel responded with two words: "Fucking" and "retarded."

Then, naturally, Sarah Palin jumps up full of self-serving fake outrage making ridiculous demands that Emmanuel gets fired. Isn't it amazing how this amoral, ethically and intellectually barren piece of human waste is so easily offended? Talk about big claws, thin skin. And hypocrisy.

According to Levi Johnston, Palin herself flings the word 'retarded' around in private with much gusto. In private. Just like Emmanuel.

Then Limbaugh uses the word more than 40 times on his Wednesday radio show and Palin's relatively OK with that. Radio show. Not private.

Maybe Palin's fake outrage was a shrewd political tactic. Imagine being Palin and Googling the term "Palin retarded". Just last week, Google would probably have exploded under the bandwidth of search returns listing anti-Palin rants. Now, if you Google "Palin retarded" the returns are filled with articles about Rahm Emmanuel instead.

Maybe Palin's not so retarded after all. Just wait til she catches wind of Rahm Emmanuel using the word 'c*nt'... she'll be well on the way to cleaning up the 165,000 "Sarah Palin C*nt" search returns too.

Check-out Mags Hit New Low

If you joked that a publishing house was cashing in on 'Palinmania' by releasing a supermarket mag entitled "Sarah Palin: Faith, Family, Freedom", you'd laugh. Trouble is, Imagine That Publishing ain't kidding.

I haven't seen this thing in Walmart yet. But I can only imagine it's there... maybe nestled next to the slow cooker recipe mags and the 'random-celebrity-only-has-weeks-to-live' pot boilers at the check-out? Man, just knowing this thing exists makes me depressed.

Really, am I the only person in America who objects to the media presenting people like Palin as paragons of patriotism, religious devotion and moral rectitude? In old-timey days, they called them cads instead and they were not be trusted or talked about in polite company. But now they're stuck up on pedestals like plaster saints for us mere mortals to worship and aspire to.

Why do we fall for it? Why do we who live regular, humble lives of honest toil tug our forelocks to 'cads' like Palin who live entire lives desperately lying and cheating their way to the top of whatever worldly heap denotes success to them? 'Faith, Family, Freedom'? Don't make me laugh.

According to The Washington Post:

"[The magazine] contains Palin's homage to the Rev. Billy Graham, Abraham Lincoln and Ronald Reagan. It lays out "Where Sarah Palin stands on the big issues" and offers a selection of "The Wit & Wisdom of Sarah."

I'll leave you to ponder the "The Wit & Wisdom of Sarah"... How big a font did they have to use to fill up a page with that?

Telling It Like It Ain't

On Oprah, Sarah Palin described her new Fox job as:

"...an opportunity to get back to the "who, what, when, where and why of reporting, just stating the facts, gathering the information, providing it to the viewers and letting them decide what their opinion would be ... ratcheting back to the simplicity of what journalism should be about."

And what does Oprah say when Palin spouts a lie so egregious it could literally make you spurt coffee out your nose even if you're not drinking any? "Absolutely." WTF?!

I wouldn't expect the Chris Matthews yell-at-'em-til-they-cry approach from Oprah, but how the f*ck could anyone let that slide by unchallenged? Not since 'The Color Purple' has Oprah made me feel so sad.

Beck v. Palin

Beck v. Palin? Wow. It's the debate equivalent of two one-legged guys in an ass kicking contest. But Sponge Bob Conspiracy Pants scores a win! Thus my personal Glenn Beck favorability rating rises from -9,582,724 to -9,582,723.

Beck: "Who's your favorite Founder?"

Palin: ""You know, well, all of them, because they came collectively together with so much--"

Beck (interrupting): "Bullcrap. Who's your favorite?"

Thank you Glenn Beck for throwing the sane folks a tiny bone. I was surprised when Palin opted for George Washington - rather than Papa Smurf - upon further consideration.

Mooselini Debuts On Fox

Roll up! roll up! The wingnut circus is in town... Bill O'Reilly debuts Palin on Fox!

So Bill wheels out the old "why do liberals fear and hate you so much?" clown car. "I have no idea," shrugs Palin full of bewilderment more fake than a bucket of water full of confetti.

Speaking for the entire Palin-hating majority, allow me to clear up the confusion. The reason she is universally loathed outside of the Roger Ailes big top is very simple. Even an O'Reilly viewer could grasp it if only they could be magically transported back to being seven years old sitting on their parent's knee:

"You see, Billy, not everybody's nice. There are some people who pretend to be nice so people like them, but they're not. You'll run into these people as you go through life. They might pretend to be good, but all they do is lie and cheat to get their way. So be careful out there son."

I guess the kind of folks who fall for Palin's act never got that primer.