Grow a Pair Fox News!

Find your inner-Fox News watcher...

Fox News muppets like Sean Hannity have never met a situation they can't milk the fear out of. Neither have they ever looked at anything with a rational, objective overview. They prefer instead to just make up bullsh*t - the scarier the better.

Now it's no big news to say that FN-brand bullsh*t is like 100% corporate viagra (side effects may include a listless, paranoid lumpen proletariat). But what becomes increasingly obvious is how threadbare and pathetic their fearmongering sounds after the umpteenth go-around. It would seem to Fox and its watching herd that the appropriate response to any emerging crisis - domestic or foreign - is to crap your panties and tremble under the nearest table like a nervous chihuahua. Why? Why must we be scared of f*cking everything??? Why can't these f*cks ever man-up and allow adult, rational analysis?

Take Egypt. Real reporters on the ground tell us how the crowds are yelling "Muslim, Christian, we are all Egyptian!", how the crisis has zip to do with religion and is all about popular frustration with a dictatorial government that's long overstayed its welcome. But this populist scenario is anathema to jello-spined lickspittles like Fox who peddle useful fear for the benefit of the corporate rich. So what do they do? Ignore reality, stifle optimism and paint all news from Egypt with a thick, brown layer of fear... specifically fear of a super-Muslim takeover of an already Muslim country.

Sean Hannity is busy whining how the Muslim Brotherhood has "pretty much taken this over." and how the protests will usher in rule by "Muslim al-Qaeda types". Jeez, Hannity, what kind of p*ssy are you? Lies aside, this whole tired angle would make a five-year-old girl say "hey, Sean, it's alright... don't be scared... monsters aren't really real," as he blubs and snuffles about humus-munching boogie men.

How long will they get away with this crap before even the Foxheads grow a pair and yell "no more! I will no longer sleep with the light on!"?

Fox News Cover Blown?

Unfortunately, it's left mostly to liberals like Maddow and Olbermann to poke holes in Fox News' ridiculous claims of being 'Fair and Balanced'. For example, even when they openly operate as pitchmen for the Tea Party by advertising their events, pussies like CNN still refuse to drop the pathetic pretense that Fox is somehow a news channel. Putting the word 'news' right there in the name seems to have CNN fooled... or, at least, too lazy to argue.

Then Mooselini took to the air to blatantly recommend Fox as a message relay service for wingnut candidate Christine O'Donnell.

Now Mike Castle, the multi-term 'establishment' Repub O'Donnell ran against, is blaming "the conservative media" for his defeat saying "I think the misrepresentations and the lies of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh on the air were another very significant part of all of this."

But, far from denying that Fox won for her and trying to perpetuate the myth of impartiality, O'Donnell steams right in with "I wouldn’t call it blame, I would call it credit."

Fox is like a 400lb chick who keeps squeezing into 'Fair & Balanced' tight jeans while we all humor them by saying their giant ass doesn't look biased. How much longer before the mainstream give up this BS and just calls Fox what they are?

Fox News: The Manson Family Media Arm

Once upon a time, a lapsed Scientologist by the name of Charlie Manson came up with a masterplan for world domination between bouts of group sex and LSD. As a first step, Manson hit on the idea of trying to spark an apocalyptic race war by slaughtering wealthy white folks and planting clues at the scenes to implicate The Black Panthers.

Once enough murders had been done to provoke a white backlash and 'Helter Skelter' got underway, Manson figured he could just hunker down in the desert and emerge as self-appointed world leader once all the mayhem died down. But he got busted for stealing beach buggies before the plan got far from the drawing board. So the rest, as they say, is history.

Or is it?

With The Manson Family still safely locked away, it seems the 'Helter Skelter' baton was simply passed to Fox News...

WTF am I talking about? Well, there's an eccentric group of angry black racists in Dallas who call themselves the New Black Panther Party. But they're not proper Black Panthers, just a wannabe bunch of NOI'ers and assorted cracker-haters offering a support group for hatin' on whitey - pretty much a mirror image of the Caucasian KKK.

The original Black Panthers are at pains to disassociate themselves from the NBPP and veterans of the 60s movement have sued them to quit using their damn name. But they just carry on regardless... In 2008, the NBPP were brought to the attention of the DOJ for patrolling polling stations in Philly conducting what was claimed to be voter intimidation. But the DOJ rejected the complaint because no crime could be proven to have taken place. So guess what happens next?

Fox News puts on a veritable mini-special about the otherwise totally obscure NBPP showing footage of scary black guys yelling that "cracker babies should be killed" and such like. Fox then goes on to tie them to the Obama admin by implying that the DOJ's decision not to prosecute was an act of government complicity rather than a straightforward legal decision based on First Amendment rights. And all this is done on national TV by reckless f*ckwits who laughably call themselves journalists.

Even using my indoor 'voice of reason', I can't imagine any intellectual contortion by which this bullsh*t is defensible... unless you're quite literally following Charles Manson's Helter Skelter M.O.

Fox, as so often they do, are scaring their audience into an angry lather, stoking race hatred and pinning blame where it doesn't belong. For whatever reason, they are following Manson's ideas to a tee by turning black and white against each other and seeking to trash whatever steps toward a safe and tolerant multiracial society we may have taken over the past few generations. I'm not sure why they do it... but Charlie would be proud.

The Special Olympics Candidate

Unnamed reporter reacting to a Sarah Palin speech on open-mic:

"Oh my God, I feel like I just got off a roller coaster, going round and round, and up and down. Sh-t flying out … everywhere."

Naturally, the wingnuts are mad that a bunch of reporters had the audacity to criticize their own lobotomized Reaganette. Says Fox:

Several people were caught on an open mike mocking Sarah Palin for delivering a "roller coaster"-type speech after she addressed California State University, Stanislaus on Friday.

First, why 'caught'? Do Fox wish to imply that criticizing Palin is now a crime that you're 'caught' committing?

Second, they weren't any old Joes and they weren't mocking Palin: They were reporters. You know, guys expressing a professional opinion that Palin's speech was a confusing garbage pile of hackneyed claptrap.

So would Fox demand that all reporters treat Palin with the kind of respect and sensitivity she's pathologically incapable of extending to anyone else? Is Palin the right wing extremist's "Special Olympics" candidate? Should reporters just say what a wonderful job she does considering the manifold intellectual and rhetorical handicaps she struggles to overcome every time she opens her big dumb trap?

Damn. If you couldn't hack Toastmasters, you couldn't pass a lie detector test answering your own name, you make Brian Kilmeade look like Mark f*cking Twain... just maybe you have no business running for public office. Maybe Palin should just quit like a bad American Idol audition.

I hate to agree with Glenn Beck, absolu-f*cking-lutely I do, but I'm almost onside when he criticizes teachers and parents who reward mediocrity by giving mediocre kids rewards just for taking part. Aren't we supposed to be living in a meritocracy where low-bars and quotas are anathema to the RW? Isn't life supposed to be tougher than that? So shouldn't Fox stop treating Palin like the fat asthmatic kid in the Little League game no-one's allowed to say sucks and who gets a trophy just for showing up?

Anti-Incumbent Fever Not So Virulent

For months, everyone from F(oxymoron) News to The Washington Post has been prattling on about anti-Incumbent Fever - "an anti-establishment fever permeating the country" - that was going to sweep out sitting pols nationwide.

Funny that they're all surprisingly quiet on the subject now Tuesday's primaries are over. Only Jon Stewart mentions that out of 84 primary races, 82 were won by incumbents.

Fox News Solves Healthcare Debate: Go To Your Vet

C•ntservatives are fond of repeating their ludicrous mantras. One tired favorite is the "America has the best healthcare system in the world" BS. In his book "See, I Told You So", Chairman Limp-baugh boldly claimed that US healthcare is "the envy of the world".

But Limp-baugh seems blissfully unaware of awkward facts like " only 2 percent of all Canadians believe that the U.S. has a better health care system than their own". Some envy. But why let inconvenient truth stand in the way of politically useful bullsh*ttery?

American healthcare languishes pitifully low at 37th on the World Health Organization rankings list. But, to be fair, emergency care does rate highly for those who can afford its crippling cost:

The fact is that America does not have the finest health care system in the world; it has the finest emergency care system in the world. Highly trained American doctors can summon Star Wars-type technology in saving patients who have become seriously injured or critically ill. But as far as preventative medicine goes, the U.S. is still in the Stone Age.

Of course, saying our ER care is the best in the world means you need to adopt a weird suspension of disbelief and accept that it's OK to charge up to $3,000 for a CAT scan that costs a couple of hundred bucks anywhere else in the world. You also need to forget about all those families going bankrupt and hospitals passing gigantic bills to the taxpayer for reimbursement once the patient is bled thoroughly dry. But I digress...

Now Fox News' 'Fox & Friends' come up with a great new idea for healthcare reform - go to your vet:

Veterinary oncologist Karen Oberthaler... says modeling treatment for humans after veterinary clinics could reduce the use of wasteful and often unnecessary tests.

"A very brilliant veterinary oncologist has a suggestion. She says we should treat people like they treat their dogs," guest host Dari Alexander said.

"Which makes a lot of sense," host Steve Doocy responded.

The saddest part of the whole segment? When Oberthaler said her second most frequently asked question as a veterinarian was "Do you think I could be treated in this hospital?"

Our healthcare system "the envy of the world"? If only the rest of the world knew about our vets...

Fox News' Dark(er) Side...

It's troubling enough that America's most popular """news""" channel is owned by an Australian billionaire who has little to suffer in consequence for the havoc his propaganda organ has wrought on America. But that a major Fox News shareholder is Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, nephew to the Saudi king is downright scary.

Alwaleed might be remembered as the guy who offered to help with the clear-up after 9-11 but was turned down by Giuliani after he said America's support for Israel was to blame for the attacks. Now he's the fourth largest shareholder in Fox News.

So how does this effect Fox News' much-vaunted """fairness and balance"""? Ask Joseph Trento:

"Last month I appeared on Fox News Network’s morning show, Fox and Friends, to talk about airline security. Normally such appearances end up as clips on the Fox News Web site... Curiously, I was quoted in a written piece on the site, but no video... I had said to Doocy that Saudi Arabian money was still financing Al Qaeda. Doocy did not react to my comment. But ten days later I learned that Fox’s parent company, News Corporation, was, at the time of my interview, negotiating with a Saudi prince to vastly increase his stake in the company."

Fox are always keen to puff up their patriot cred and portray themselves as defenders of America. But like any unprincipled whore, they'll forget about all that in a heartbeat if someone, anyone, dangles enough cash under their snouts.

Keeping It Unreal

Fox at its finest. More lows here...

Look Who's Back!

Dan Quayle's "potatoe incident" back in 1992.

If you're stupid - better yet legally retarded - and a pathological liar, your resume pretty much writes itself if you want a job on Fox News. Cue Sarah Palin, cue Oliver North... and now? None other than Dan "Mr Potatoe Head" Quayle. Oh Lord.

Quayle appeared on Fox to chip in on the healthcare debate. He warned that using the reconciliation process would set a "very bad precedent" because a simple majority is just unconstitutional.

Hmm... Dan Quayle constitutional scholar? Not so fast... being as the Vice President (his old job) was designated one-vote tie breaker by the framers of the constitution, I'm pretty sure they'd be cool with simple majorities. Could it be that Dan Quayle still has no idea what the role of veep entails or what the constitution of the United States says?

As they say, Dan Quayle: the Sarah Palin prototype.

As a sidebar, just noticed Enter Stage Right is still fighting the "potatoe" battle. According to them:

"The reality is that a flash card Quayle had been given bore the misspelling."

Like that's a freakin' excuse??? Don'tcha love how conservatives always manage to make themselves look even dumber whenever they make excuses for doing something stupid? Bless 'em.

You Can't Fix Stupid

Yesterday on Fox News' News Watch program, they asked the audience: "Why are the liberal media so dismissive of global warming skeptics?" They wondered why the 'liberal media' laugh when right-wingers claim blizzards disprove global warming.

As Ron White says, "You can't fix stupid".

A Meeting of The Minds

Glenn Beck flew down to the Alamo to demagogue for a bunch of Texas secessionists the other day. The event was portrayed as the glimmerings of revolution by Fox News. But it should be appreciated most for it's unintentional comedy.

You've got ol' Dumbass himself jibbering like a buffoon. Then the secessionists get all wrapped up in the excitement of his fiery oratory and start chanting... "USA, USA..."

It was like watching a supertanker of dumb sinking in an ocean of stupid.

Fox News' Latest Surprising Poll

Weird how Fox News might be all c*ntservative echo chamber on air, but they keep doing online polls with surprisingly non-c*ntservative results.

Last time it was Bill O'Reilly's pro-Obama poll. Now they're asking "What Do You Think The Tea Party Movement Is About?" Check the responses from visitors to Foxnews.com:


Is there hope? I'm sure the poll results aren't just me and "the infamous, deplorable" Keith Olbermann voting 50,000 times over.

Acorn Strikes Back, Part II

Remember the anti-ACORN kerfuffle when those 'conservative documentary makers' posed as a pimp and a hooker to entrap an ACORN rep? The wingnut media loved it and, for a while, it looked like curtains for ACORN. Until they sued to keep their funding.

Now they're suing the filmmakers too for violating state law by recording the offending interview without their consent:

"State law prohibits the intentional interception, disclosure or use of oral communications... According to the lawsuit, O'Keefe and Giles met with Conway-Russell in an "attempt to entrap" ACORN workers into behaving inappropriately."

Glad as I am to see these schmucks go down, what about Fox News? After all, it was only thanks to Fox that anyone got to hear about the story to begin with. Wouldn't this be like jailing the crackhead burglar and letting the rich fence go free?

No Hope For Haiti From Fox

If only the good die young, Roger Ailes may well live to be 3,000-years-old.

Last night's 'Hope For Haiti' telethon was screened by almost every channel...

ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, MSNBC, Fox, BET, The CW, HBO, MTV, VH1, CMT, PBS, TNT, Showtime, Comedy Central, Bravo, E! Entertainment, National Geographic Channel, Oxygen, G4, CENTRIC, Current TV, Fuse, MLB Network, EPIX, Palladia, SoapNet, Style, Discovery Health, Planet Green, CNN en Español, HBO Latino and Canadian networks.

...apart from Fox News. Ask me if I'm surprised that Ailes' miserable propaganda megaphone doesn't even pretend to give a sh*t. Hey, they're busy people... democratically elected American presidents don't depose themselves.

Haiti = Non-Story For Fox

It may look like partisan point-scoring, but this stuff is very telling. If American conservatives are so keen to convince us that they are not racists, how could they possibly spin this?

Haiti earthquake coverage on Fox News, January 13, 2010:
0 hours, 6 minutes, 41 seconds
(Three top-rated Fox News shows: Beck: 37 seconds, O'Reilly: 2 minutes 56 seconds, Hannity: 3 minutes 8 seconds)

Haiti earthquake coverage on MSNBC, January 13, 2010:
2 hours, 2 mnutes, 33 seconds
(Three top-rated MSNBC news shows: Hardball: 36 minutes 35 seconds, Countdown: 43 minutes 3 seconds, The Rachel Maddow Show: 42 minutes 55 seconds)

To put it coldly, the Haiti story is so chock full of devastation, human suffering and heart-rending drama it's a news media wet dream. So why so 'meh' Fox?

Did Fox decide the inability of viewers to empathize with black people would impact ratings? Any other plausible suggestions why they chose to concentrate on Sarah f*cking Palin instead?

Cosmic Inevitability

Sarah Palin on Fox? Like a cop stopping at a waffle house, a Mexican guy buying a Toyota truck, or a pregnant white trash teen getting a belly ring... it's just one of those things that the universe deems inevitable.

Random Picture of the Day

On Fox News planet it makes sense. Maybe.

Jeebus v. Buddha

Brit Hume: Fox News proselytizer.

On Fox News Sunday, Brit Hume had some spiritual advice for Tiger Woods:

"He is said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger would be, 'Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.'"

Of course, some nit-pickers might wonder where the hell Hume gets off giving out spiritual advice to sports celebrities on his current affairs show. But that would be an unimaginative reaction.

Given Hume's position on comparative theology - probably 'Jesus rules and all other religions suck' - we can see why he'd be disparaging Buddhism. But as the Dalai Lama and Tiger Woods would know, appearances can deceive and there's one big part of Buddhism Hume and his fellow Fox Newsers would appear to have embraced wholeheartedly:

"In early Buddhism, maya referred to the deceptive nature of the ego and its perception of the world of appearances and forms, which an unenlightened individual accepts as the only reality."

Jeez, this sounds like it could be part of Fox News' mission statement.

Fox Fair and... Whatever

Via Down With Tyranny, "Who's that hiding in my Fox 5 logo? You won't believe how subliminally fair and balanced the answer is."

Fox News Digs New Low

A Fox poll from October 29th asks "Who do you think is more determined to win the war in Afghanistan - President Obama or the leadership of the Taliban and al Qaeda?"

I'd like to say something witty and vituperative but I can't. Fox really are an affront to decency, honesty and humanity. And that ain't too funny.