Sean Hannity: You F*cking P*ssy

What gives Hannity?

I've had my "Sean Hannity Needs a Whupping" petition online for two years now. I've emailed you a million times to ask you when and where you want to meet me for a fist fight. I've left as many comments on your Geocities-style Website asking same. And what happens? Nothing. Not a f*cking peep.

You might macho posture on the radio with your weird angry midget voice and sound like you have an XY chromosome... but you're clearly not a man because you're sh*t scared of everything. Everything from bird flu to Muslims, socialists to gays, black people to Barney the f*cking Dinosaur. Everything makes you pee your little girl panties and cry. Including, judging by your silence, throwing hands with me. So f*ck you Hannity. You'd better start tucking it back, change your name to Shauna and consider yourself officially un-manned. You f*cking little p*ssy.

Grow a Pair Fox News!

Find your inner-Fox News watcher...

Fox News muppets like Sean Hannity have never met a situation they can't milk the fear out of. Neither have they ever looked at anything with a rational, objective overview. They prefer instead to just make up bullsh*t - the scarier the better.

Now it's no big news to say that FN-brand bullsh*t is like 100% corporate viagra (side effects may include a listless, paranoid lumpen proletariat). But what becomes increasingly obvious is how threadbare and pathetic their fearmongering sounds after the umpteenth go-around. It would seem to Fox and its watching herd that the appropriate response to any emerging crisis - domestic or foreign - is to crap your panties and tremble under the nearest table like a nervous chihuahua. Why? Why must we be scared of f*cking everything??? Why can't these f*cks ever man-up and allow adult, rational analysis?

Take Egypt. Real reporters on the ground tell us how the crowds are yelling "Muslim, Christian, we are all Egyptian!", how the crisis has zip to do with religion and is all about popular frustration with a dictatorial government that's long overstayed its welcome. But this populist scenario is anathema to jello-spined lickspittles like Fox who peddle useful fear for the benefit of the corporate rich. So what do they do? Ignore reality, stifle optimism and paint all news from Egypt with a thick, brown layer of fear... specifically fear of a super-Muslim takeover of an already Muslim country.

Sean Hannity is busy whining how the Muslim Brotherhood has "pretty much taken this over." and how the protests will usher in rule by "Muslim al-Qaeda types". Jeez, Hannity, what kind of p*ssy are you? Lies aside, this whole tired angle would make a five-year-old girl say "hey, Sean, it's alright... don't be scared... monsters aren't really real," as he blubs and snuffles about humus-munching boogie men.

How long will they get away with this crap before even the Foxheads grow a pair and yell "no more! I will no longer sleep with the light on!"?

Blame Obama. Somehow.

Finding a way to pin the blame for the gulf oil disaster on Obama would be something of a conserva-nut wet dream. They're hard at work on this at Sean Hannity's thunk tank...

Makes me wonder how these folks are smart enough to remember to breathe. Though I often wish they weren't.

Class Act: Sean Hannity Scamming Kids & Troops

Sean Hannity and Oliver North's "Freedom Alliance" charity's ostensible aim is to raise money for wounded soldiers and provide scholarships for vets. Fair enough. Sean bangs the war drum, shills for unjustified wars, but at least throws a bone to the poor suckers fighting and dying for neoconism.

But the bone is a lot smaller and a lot less frequently thrown than Hannity would have you believe. Apparently, most of the money raised by Freedom Alliance goes on operating expenses like ferrying superstar Hannity and his posse around in private jets, paying for hotel suites and luxury SUVs.

Conservative blogger Debbie Schlussel says "it’s all a huge scam" and points us to Freedom Alliance's 2006 tax returns:

Freedom Alliance reported revenue of $10, 822, 785, but only $397,900–or a beyond-measly 3.68%–of that was given to the children of fallen troops as scholarships or as aid to severely injured soldiers.

On the other hand, 62% of the money went to “expenses,” including $979,485 for “consultants” and an “advisor.”

But their were a few bucks left over to help wounded troops... A soldier from Alexandria, Virginia, got $200 from Freedom Alliance for "Lost right arm and severe shrapnel wounds to upper body and face." Another soldier from Romulus, Michigan, who lost both legs and left arm in Iraq got $200.

At the Freedom Alliance Web site, these criticisms are labeled 'false accusations'. But it's kinda hard to argue with your own tax filings. Even for Hannity and convicted Iran-Contra felon Oliver North.

Just another example of conservative scumbags wrapping themselves up in the flag and skimming the dimwits. There are enough vets organizations out there seeking donations. if you want to hand over your money to a couple of shysters like Hannity and North, you get what you deserve. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for the troops they're using as scam bait.

A Quiet Win For ACORN

Fox news' various ranting heads threw themselves into the 'war on ACORN' this year. But they're being uncharacteristically quiet on the issue of late. Could this be because:

ACORN has been absolved of any wrongdoing with respect to its use of federal funds. And there’s more: ACORN sued Congress in federal court to get its funding back, and last week U.S. District Court Judge Nina Gershon ruled in favor of ACORN and “ordered government officials to reinstate Acorn's federal contracts. ‘That Acorn was singled out is obvious and undisputed by the government,’ Judge Gershon wrote. The Justice Department has appealed the ruling.” The issue raised in federal court was “the Constitution's prohibition of bills of attainder, which punish a specific person or group without due process or other rights that courts provide.”

Come on Beck/O'Reilly/Hannity. Ain't so hard to say sorry.

An apology to ACORN from POTUS wouldn't exactly be amiss either. Maybe a New Year's resolution to stop doing the dirty work of the GOP and pandering to misinformed bigots would be cool too?

Climate Change

I had the surreal experience of flipping channels last night between Hannity's America (yeh, I know) and a Link TV doc on climate change. How 'bout listening to a bunch of science guys urging politicians to quit with the dumb rhetoric on climate change, then switching back to see Hannity trading that same dumb rhetoric with his wingnut guests in real time? Talk about apropos.

Personally, I try to care about climate change but it's too depressing. (Shallow? yes.) But for wingnut pols to advance the cause of doing nothing, even if there was only a 50/50 chance of... err... the end of the world as we know it, is suicidally retarded.

This current Green Peace ad campaign featuring world leaders in future regret scenarios is a thinker. Unless, of course, you're a wingnut for whom thoughts are subordinate to dumb rhetoric.

Chuck Norris On Hannity's America - Dumbfest '09

Sean Hannity: Why don't you run? No no no, there's a solution - why wouldn't you - Chuck Norris could be governor of Texas one day.

Chuck Norris: You know why? Because I'd be sitting here with my opponent, and debating, and then he would start attacking my character, and I'd jump over there and choke him unconscious.

Chuck Norris and his clown wig sat down with Sean Insanity last night to spout ass-kicking fantasies while, I assume, Sean gently stroked himself beneath the desk. It wasn't pretty.

Norris told Insanity how he couldn't run for office because "I'd have to choke out all the Democrats" and "kill half the people". Then it occurred to me... that "hair", that 'stache, those rough-and-tumble, homicidal polemics... Is Chuck Norris becoming Adolf Hitler???

Random Picture of the Day

Speaking of Hannity, let's remember this classic TV moment. Who said Fox always lies?

Prejean & Hannity's Mutual Masturbation Session

"Never did I think it would ever come out. But it was bad judgment. It's embarrassing. It's humiliating to be talking about this on national TV." Said beauty pageant reject Carrie Prejean about her solo sex tape on Hannity last night.

"It would be really embarrassing if it was me," responded Hannity. Oh sweet Jesus... I think I just lost my appetite. For the rest of my life.

Liz Cheney: All Hat, No Cattle

Liz Cheney (left) and 'True Blood' actor Alexander Skarsgard(?)

Neocons are like ten-a-penny barroom loudmouths. And just like her dad, Liz Cheney is no exception. Liz likes to talk tough and project a fist-swingin' manly-man image. But call her out? Oops.. gotta be somewhere else.

Liz says MSNBC are "afraid to debate the issues". So Rachel Maddow 'called her out' and dared Cheney to appear on her show last night. But, when push came to shove, fightin' Liz had to be somewhere else - namely a TV date with Sean Hannity instead.

Maddow says "We have called her many, many, many times, including twice on Friday. So far she has declined every single invitation that we have extended."

Yet Cheney's astroturf group "Keep America Safe" is still running an ad asking "Why don't [MSNBC] want to debate the issues? What are they so afraid of?"

The word 'pathetic' would seem inadequate in this context.

As a side note, is it just me or does Sean "I'm almost literally a pinhead" Hannity have the smallest forehead on TV? It's not so much a forehead as a teeny on-ramp onto the world's least traveled highway that is his brain. Jeez, Ann Coulter's adam's apple is bigger than Hannity's forehead.