Blowjobs & Cancer

They say God works in mysterious ways. Usually, that's a catch-all excuse for God as he lets kids starve, blows up nuclear reactors and still doesn't cause Sean Hannity to be eaten alive by wolverines.

But as "mysterious" d*ck moves go, God may have outdone himself by making blowjobs give you cancer. Jeez, thanks a lot God. What next? Bacon giving you rabies? Beer giving you leprosy..?

As I never went to prison or Catholic school or registered as a Republican, at least I wasn't worried for my none-d*ck-sucking self... until I read the rest of this article:

"The rise in oral cancer in the US is predominantly among young white males and we do not know the answer as to why."

They don't know why??? If the obvious explanation that more white males must be sucking d*ck isn't right, then does that mean throwing on some Teddy Pendergrass and "going downtown" on one's special lady is hazardous too? Yikes. Seems God is determined to stamp out fun in any form - like a kind of cosmic John Lithgow in Footloose.

So as sex is once again too damn dangerous, better discourage yourself from ever feeling horny again. I'd recommend this product: