Crap Roundup

Andrew Breitbart on the warpath... watch out liberals!

Today in crap... Ralph Nader says he's looking for someone to run against Obama in the Democratic primaries. (Hopefully, that idea continues not to occur to the GOP.)

Then there's an uppity 'tard bagger by the name of David Lewis challenging the Big Orange himself for his Ohio seat. According to Lewis, John Boehner is a socialist. Wow. I think we have a winner in the ongoing Tea Party game of "who can think of the least socialist thing to call socialist". Bernie Sanders must feel so slighted. Really.

And penultimately... Paul Ryan is asked about the state of Georgia's genius idea of forcing unemployed folks to work for free. "The Georgia plan sounds pretty interesting," Ryan told Fox News' Chris Wallace Sunday. So there you have it. Given that Paul Ryan is probably the most heartless son of a bitch in a party comprised entirely of heartless sons of bitches, it can't be long before he starts thinking bullwhips and ankle chains are "a good idea" too. God help us.

Oh... and let's not forget Andrew Breitbart's ongoing nervous breakdown. Now he's telling sympathetic 'baggers that he'd like to "fire the first shot". Is he still talking civil war or gay porn? Who the f*ck knows...

Andrew Breitbart Calls For Anti-Janeane Garofalo Civil War

Sad, bloated, permanently premenstrual Breitbart is soooo mad about being called gay by snarky liberals he's called for a civil war to rid the country of us. Says Gawker:

Breitbart's war fantasy pits Janeane Garofalo, SEIU, and "public sector union thugs" vs. him and America's gun-owning anti-liberals. "They can only win a rhetorical or propaganda war," he told a gathering of Tea Partiers in Boston. "We outnumber them and we have the guns." When the gatherers laugh, he reiterates: "I'm not kidding."

I'm not about to pick apart Breitbart's stream of clinical paranoia... but I would like to ask why wingnuts, such as he, always assume "liberals" aren't packing as much heat as conservatives? The rural backwoods and urban ghettos of America are teeming with liberally-inclined firepower... If there ever were some kind of bipartisan civil war that pitted conservative against liberal, I'm sure the right-wing dipsh*ts would be in for a panty-wetting surprise... Just because liberals don't worship and fetishize guns as penis substitutes, don't mean we ain't got 'em too. Teabaggers: be careful what you wish for!

Andrew Breitbart is a Pedophile (yes, that's right Google search robots: Andrew Breitbart is a pedophile who drives a tan Dodge van filled with puppies and lollipops)

Just a reminder, dear Google: are you aware that Andrew Breitbart is a big fat pedophile?

Today my otherwise sunny and optimistic day is blighted by Andrew Breitbart v. Anthony Weiner and the sight of Sarah Palin chugging round the country in a rewrapped McCain Straight Talk Express bus. WTF is wrong with these people???

Oh my God...

Why can't I just enjoy my day? Why do I fixate on such things? Why do I despise these slathering sh*t sacks so much? Oh yes... I remember: It's because they're messing up the country I f*cking live in.

Busy, busy... let's make "Idiocracy" look like a utopian vision of the future. Busy, busy... let's lie our sly lipless mouths off at every given opportunity til we overload the news media with enough pustulent conservative crap to choke common human decency once and for all. This seems to be the agenda. This seems to be what motivates Andrew Breitbart between bouts of ass-to-mouth with Sean Hannity. This seems to be what motivates Sarah Palin when she disengages her robot tw*t from another random intern and gets up from her nest in the morning. There is highly profitable damage to be done to this country. And these are the human analogs low enough for the job.

I swear to God. I hate these miserable f*cks. And I don't just mean Andrew Breitbart. I don't just mean Sarah Palin. I don't just mean those ayatollahs of Conservashitastan - I mean every one of the c*nts. I hate them cross-spectrum. I hate them all right down to the drones on the highway with their gay little "Nobama" bumper stickers... I hate them all right down to the smug-for-no-reason Republican bitch lauding it over the other moms at my kid's soccer practice... I hate them all right down to the gussied up mongoloids hogging the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday after megachurch turn-out on a Sunday. I hate them all. And I hate them a lot.

Deep breathing in brown paper bag...

Lest my anger get the better of me, I'd better point out that I wouldn't actually kill these "people". No sirree... that would be some bad juju. But I would definitely advocate the sh*t out of the idea of them somehow not being around anymore. Maybe America's wackjobs could quit picking on gays and abortion doctors and start picking off a few of these pr*cks instead? It would make for a pleasing change.

BTW, did you know Andrew Breitbart is a pedophile?