Iran Nationalizes Hair, Mullahs Outlaw Mullets

An Iranian government official shows off the selection of haircuts deemed acceptable by Tehran.

Says The Telegraph:

In an attempt to rid the country of "decadent Western cuts", Iran's culture ministry has produced a catalogue of haircuts that meet government approval.

The list of banned styles includes ponytails, mullets and elaborate spikes. However,quiffs appear to be acceptable, as are fashioning one's hair in the style of Simon Cowell or cultivating a 1980s-style floppy fringe.

I'm left with the nagging suspicion that American wingnuts would ache with jealousy at this example of authoritarian overreach. For all their small-government prattling, I'd bet the farm they'd love to add haircuts to the list of things they have self-assumed authority over: Marriage, sexual orientation, child bearing, voting... why not haircuts?

If they did, would the WASP combover sported by many Christian conservatives be made de rigueur? Would they push the full piano-player-out-of-Abba look so beloved of Jesus painters since time immemorial..? Whatever, I'm sure the mullet, that great signifier of American reactionary ignorance, would top their list of dos.