Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Today's Thoughts of Chairman Limp-Baugh

After a brief post-nuptial sabbatical, Limp-baugh is back. And with a vengeance. Of late, Hu-pig is hitting above his average and the wrong - both factual and moral - is gushing like a busted oil well.

Hu-pigs pronouncements are a bitter-sweet thing. Hell, I wish to God he could shut up permanently... maybe assisted by a blunt chainsaw to that squished-up area of greasy flab that constitutes his throat. But then I'd really miss those Limp-baugh salvos into America's "culture war" that do so much to show c*ntservatism up for the bankrupt non-philosophy it is. With every word he grunts, Hu-pig just reminds the sane how right they are to despise him and everything he represents. So here we go...

Grunt, squeal... Hu-pig announces that Obama "wouldn't have been voted president if he weren't black". Because, of course, American history is chock-full of black presidents and whitey never gets a break. I'm sure we all remember those pundit analyses back in 2007-8... "Yeh, I think America isn't really ready to not vote for a black president."

Hu-pig then expands this surrealistically stupid riff by claiming "If Obama weren't black he'd be a tour guide in Honolulu". Really? How does this even make pretend sense? Is Hawaii full of bitter white guys who shelved their doomed presidential ambitions to become tour guides instead? Ahh... That's why the guy with the mic on the open-top bus in Honolulu looks Al Gore...

Once that oh-so patriotic trashing of our elected C-in-C is done, Hu-pig now ventures fearlessly into the world of science and math. O-oh... anyone spot a red flag? Nope. Not Hu-pig. Instead it's cloven hoof to the metal and out comes this: "Most of these claims about Muslim contributions to science and math are myths". It is for pearls of wisdom such as this that Hu-pig is worth every penny of his MMMMMMMMMMMXIICV per-year salary.

Enough already! I'll just leave you with this last scary thought from Limp-baugh acknowledging his position as de facto conservative supremo:

"The center of the universe is not the RNC. It's right here"

Yup. Much as the wingnuts may scoff when liberals accuse them of being led by Limp-baugh, according to the Hu-pig himself it is true.


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