Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Herman Cain: Just F*ck Off

OK. Let's call adjournment in the court of "public opinion" and say we don't really know if Herman Cain is guilty of sexual assault or not. Hell, I sure wasn't there... were you? I can't say whether or not the egomaniacal moron is guilty or innocent. But with 5 accusers out there, one could be forgiven for coughing from the smoke (cough, cough-rapist-cough) even if there was no fire. But I digress... let's assume, for the sake of argument, that he's as innocent as he wants you to think he is.

Even with my best innocent-til-proven-guilty jurisprudence hat on, I just heard some of Cain's press conference and I still feel sad and dirty... I feel like Cain's weasel words groped my perspicacity and tried to rufy my common sense. While constantly referring to himself in the third person - a classic (black wal)nut signifier - his press show was all about him pleading persecution by skanks posing as victims while he was the real victim. It was all about him calling his accusers liars and about him confirming he had no intention of stepping down. And why the hell should he? In Cain's universe, it's all about Herman Cain and we're all just asteroids orbiting the Cain Nebula. It's nothing to do with country, party or worthy public discourse... all three of which are being degraded by his continued involvement in them.

If this sociopathic clown had one scintilla of decency, he'd bow out of the prez race and force the media to focus on matters of substance instead (like Romney's magic underpants). Even if Cain swears on a stack of bibles he did nothing, he should take his bad break like a man and do an Anthony Weiner (i.e., an honorable bow-out) because the national discussion should be about jobs, about national security, about the economy... about a million matters infinitely more important than whether one aging buffoon could keep his d*ck in his pants or not.

And two final thoughts:

1) How can Cain claim that the "Democrat Machine" is behind the "rumors" that are dogging him? As a candidate he would be the political equivalent of shark chum. The Obama campaign would chew him up, spit him out and win reelection by a landslide. Why the hell would they want to sabotage Cain's kamikaze nomination by framing him as a groper?

2) If he is innocent, why not sue for slander?


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