Monday, August 15, 2011

Rick Perry: All Wig, No Cattle

I can't get angry about Rick Perry. Sure, he's a typical conservative Machiavellian moron regurgitating red meat for the knuckledraggers... but he's just such a f*cking void, such a simpering giant wad of nothing. He's like human helium, like Ramen noodles passed off as a brisket sandwich, like a Klan robe Snuggy... so bland he may well qualify as the Regis Philbin of reactionary d*ckheads.

In fact Perry is so yawn-inducingly dull, the only thing I've so far Googled on him is his hair status. How does a 61-year-old end up with the hair of a young Fonz? Where's the male-pattern baldness? The gray..? I guess I'm not alone in being curious about Perry's only feature: Try typing "Rick Perry Wig". There are currently 124,000 Google results. And yet no conclusive word on whether he carries a piece.

Final thought: will Perry and Romney skip the candidate debates and go straight to a hair off?


  1. I'm having a great time watching these clowns out-christian each other in hopes for the fundie vote. Probably the best part is Romney totally sidelined in the bible thumping contest, just drooling over that voter block he will never have like a dog begging for filet mignon. Comedy gold.

  2. yea, people say I have amazing hair for a 58 yo, but the hairline is receding and there's some grey around the edges. I strongly suspect he's a fake.
    He sure looks like one.

    1. It's a toupee. You can spot them easily (sometimes it depends on the lighting) on politicians, celebrities, and other men by looking at the difference in hair color and/or texture where the toupee is attempted to be blended into the existing hair. Usually about two or three inches down from the crown. I'm sure that they try to blend it, but it doesn't work. Check it out next time you see Rick Perry or anyone you suspect is too old to have thick or dense hair. It's amazingly more common than we'd think. All hair gets at least thinner as we age. That said, Romney and Gingrich appear to have their own hair. Rick Perry is a piece of work in a whole other way.

  3. Then lets talk about his beard as well...

  4. My father died at 78 with a full head of hair (well, okay, it was beginning to thin out a bit, but there were no bald spots and no receding hairlines) and no grey whatsoever. I seem to have inherited his hair traits - many people my own age are showing grey or are salt-and-pepper, but I only get a grey hair or two when I neglect my beard.

    Perry, though? Like the rest of him, it's all fake.


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