Saturday, December 4, 2010

Gay Ibises & "Straight" Conservatives

When it comes to 'choice' there's only one that conservatives seem to support: the supposed "choice" not to be gay.

But this whole notion of choosing whether or not to be gay has always baffled me. And it seems to get everywhere. Here's a for instance: MSNBC posts a story "Study says pollution makes birds gay" describing how scientists have concluded excess levels of mercury pollution are responsible for turning white ibises in Florida gay. Odd? Yes. Something of a thinker? Maybe. But if you were a "gay = choice" conservative, you might respond like this guy:

"Please. another flawed experiment to fool libtards into believing gay is not a choice."

So said some random conservative type venting his spleen in the comments section. So... let's skip past the 'everything-scientists-say-is-somehow-part-of-a-liberal-plot-to-take-over-the-world' bullcrap and ponder instead the subtext. Like most knuckle draggers, this guy's absolutely convinced being gay is a choice. So, basically, he's implying he'd happily suck a d*ck too but because he's "straight", he exercises self control and chooses not to? How the hell does that work?

As a straight guy I've never been attracted by some sagging scrotum glimpsed through the steam in a locker room. I've never felt a primordial stirring of my loins seeing that virtual Macy's Day parade of ass tops in the Home Depot plumbing aisle. I've never sprouted a guilty boner while polishing the shaft of my rifle... In short, I'm attracted to women not men. There's no choice, no decision-making process. It's just the way it is for me.

I'm no Freud, but perhaps the "gay = choice" thing is informed by the believer's own internal struggle to stay "straight", the conflict between their bicurious yin and their bigoted yang...

So do conservatives hate gays because they see them as weak for giving in to temptation? Or are "straight" conservatives just jealous that gays are having their c*ck and eating it too? Either way, they seem to think gay guys are just straight guys who just fell off the wagon. It's just plain weird.


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