Dick Morris: Professional Liar In Action

"Hi. I'm Dick Morris and I lie my ass off. But don't worry. Like a lizard's tail, it always grows back."

Dick Morris is a slut for lies.

Dick Morris lies like untruths are the equivalent of carbon dioxide for his species and he exhales them with every breath.

Dick Morris won't just run with a lie. He'll do a f*cking marathon with it.

And he gets away with this largely by relying on the classic wingnut trick: swap your lie from first to third person so it sounds more believable and distracts fire away from yourself. It's a valuable tool in any bullsh*tter's arsenal of subterfuge. Here's how it works:

When Dick slithers out of whatever demon's rectum he calls home and into the Fox News studio for his TV liar gig, he doesn't just sit there and say something as dumbf*ck stupid as "Obama is planning to introduce compulsory euthanasia". Oh no. Dick's too smart for such bush league plays. Much smarter than, say, Palin or Beck.

Instead Dick will say something like "some people believe Obama is planning to introduce compulsory euthanasia". That way his thesis gains credibility because he appears to be reporting what others are saying like a proper journalist - not just pulling lies out of his evil ass like tangled clumps of random garbage from a dumpster.

As a textbook example of the 'hey, it isn't me saying it' principle, Morris was on the O'Reilly Factor recently discussing healthcare reform. Said he:

"Americans are seriously worried that this is gonna destroy the health care their parents get, that this is gonna lead to government-imposed euthanasia, where they'll say, 'No, you can't have this annual mammogram, because I know it might save your life, but it costs too much.'"

See? He plays it like a pro. He's even learned to say 'Americans' instead of just 'people' because that gives the lie an extra patriotic sheen. And, heck, we ain't gonna argue with Americans... that's us... and that would would be quite literally unAmerican!

In a way, I'm impressed by Dick Morris' work. In another way, I'm continually depressed that I've been cursed to share my few short years of life on this planet with a human-shaped malignant tumor such as he.