Merry Christmas to All (Except Newt Gingrich Who Can Go F*ck Himself With a Rusty Tenon Saw)

The joyousness of my Christmas morning has been compromised, nay, blighted by the sad news that Newton Leroy Gingrich has failed to get enough signatures to run in Virginia's Republican presidential primary. Virginia is where Gingrich calls home. Think how it must sting for Gingrich that even his own neighbors don't want his fat, ridiculous ass running for prez. I could laugh... but this is sad news for any liberal who was looking forward to watching the GOP crash in flames over the next year with Gingrich at the helm.

Aside from the signature SNAFU, it's been a bad week for baby-face Satan all round. First he gets "Occupied" by angry 99%ers in Des Moines and is "chased down the stairwell of the state capitol and into his car" while trying to give a speech. Then his campaign website gets hacked. Then that camo-clad dude comes up to him at a grocery store in Iowa, shakes his hand and calls him a "a f*cking a**hole" to his face.

Oh my. It ain't easy being an investor class hero these days.