RNC Doing It Again

The Republican party machine is misstepping like an epileptic ballroom dancer of late. Example: What could be more of a f*ck you to the American people than boasting about getting bigger Wall Street donations than the DNC while doing everything in your power to block financial reforms aimed at helping the aforementioned American people? With elections looming, who the hell is this Monopoly man gone wild nonsense supposed to appeal to???

Dolt of The Day

Few things are beneath the dignity of a wingnut to attack. Here's conserva-douche columnist Terry Savage picking on little kids:

Last week, I was in a car with my brother and his fiancee, driving through their upscale neighborhood on a hot summer day. At the corner, we all noticed three little girls sitting at a homemade lemonade stand. The three young girls -- under the watchful eye of a nanny, sitting on the grass with them -- explained that they had regular lemonade, raspberry lemonade, and small chocolate candy bars.

Then my brother asked how much each item cost. "Oh, no," they replied in unison, "they're all free!"

Savage is not shy in admitting that she rolled down the car window and "stuck my head out to set them straight." said she:

"Three girls giving away free lemonade isn't cute, it's indicative of the lack of economic responsibility we're passing on to future generations."

Man, that lady must be a joy to be around. Get your conservative milk of human kindness (kindness-free)!

Iran Nationalizes Hair, Mullahs Outlaw Mullets

An Iranian government official shows off the selection of haircuts deemed acceptable by Tehran.

Says The Telegraph:

In an attempt to rid the country of "decadent Western cuts", Iran's culture ministry has produced a catalogue of haircuts that meet government approval.

The list of banned styles includes ponytails, mullets and elaborate spikes. However,quiffs appear to be acceptable, as are fashioning one's hair in the style of Simon Cowell or cultivating a 1980s-style floppy fringe.

I'm left with the nagging suspicion that American wingnuts would ache with jealousy at this example of authoritarian overreach. For all their small-government prattling, I'd bet the farm they'd love to add haircuts to the list of things they have self-assumed authority over: Marriage, sexual orientation, child bearing, voting... why not haircuts?

If they did, would the WASP combover sported by many Christian conservatives be made de rigueur? Would they push the full piano-player-out-of-Abba look so beloved of Jesus painters since time immemorial..? Whatever, I'm sure the mullet, that great signifier of American reactionary ignorance, would top their list of dos.

Today's Thoughts of Chairman Limp-Baugh

After a brief post-nuptial sabbatical, Limp-baugh is back. And with a vengeance. Of late, Hu-pig is hitting above his average and the wrong - both factual and moral - is gushing like a busted oil well.

Hu-pigs pronouncements are a bitter-sweet thing. Hell, I wish to God he could shut up permanently... maybe assisted by a blunt chainsaw to that squished-up area of greasy flab that constitutes his throat. But then I'd really miss those Limp-baugh salvos into America's "culture war" that do so much to show c*ntservatism up for the bankrupt non-philosophy it is. With every word he grunts, Hu-pig just reminds the sane how right they are to despise him and everything he represents. So here we go...

Grunt, squeal... Hu-pig announces that Obama "wouldn't have been voted president if he weren't black". Because, of course, American history is chock-full of black presidents and whitey never gets a break. I'm sure we all remember those pundit analyses back in 2007-8... "Yeh, I think America isn't really ready to not vote for a black president."

Hu-pig then expands this surrealistically stupid riff by claiming "If Obama weren't black he'd be a tour guide in Honolulu". Really? How does this even make pretend sense? Is Hawaii full of bitter white guys who shelved their doomed presidential ambitions to become tour guides instead? Ahh... That's why the guy with the mic on the open-top bus in Honolulu looks Al Gore...

Once that oh-so patriotic trashing of our elected C-in-C is done, Hu-pig now ventures fearlessly into the world of science and math. O-oh... anyone spot a red flag? Nope. Not Hu-pig. Instead it's cloven hoof to the metal and out comes this: "Most of these claims about Muslim contributions to science and math are myths". It is for pearls of wisdom such as this that Hu-pig is worth every penny of his MMMMMMMMMMMXIICV per-year salary.

Enough already! I'll just leave you with this last scary thought from Limp-baugh acknowledging his position as de facto conservative supremo:

"The center of the universe is not the RNC. It's right here"

Yup. Much as the wingnuts may scoff when liberals accuse them of being led by Limp-baugh, according to the Hu-pig himself it is true.

Random Picture of The Day

More via the glory of Fail Blog. (On a synesthesic note, if you combined the smells of Old Spice, Jaeger and burrito farts into a visual, might this be it?)

Political Special Olympics Update

Libertarians may think they come over as constitutional experts and reasoned voices on all things political. But whenever they do start talking, they usually sound more like Billy Bob Thornton in Switchblade giving an impromptu lecture on particle physics.

Take Bob Barr's endorsement of libertarian candidate Alexander Snitker in Florida (or "The Blip" as he's better known by pollsters):

"In recent decades, Americans have faced a growing threat from the limitless power of the federal government. Our liberties are being stripped from us. Our property is being redistributed. Our children are being burdened with crushing debt. Our Constitution is being ignored and subverted."

How the hell does a grown-ass man get to say "our property is being redistributed" in a public forum without even being asked to justify such a balls-out ridiculous statement??? Bob Barr you are Man Palin. You too are a perfect example of a Special Olympics pol... another reality-challenged doofus who only gets where they get because the media are too lazy to care about integrity, honesty or things making sense anymore.

Flip Flop And You Don't Stop... Henngggh...

If John McCain were in any way capable of embarrassment, the ridiculous old fart surely would be feeling it by now. Even as a member of the party to whom the 'flip flop' is supposed anathema, McCain seems to own more pairs than the entire populations of Vietnam and Thailand combined.

As Gawker reports, McCain has now "crossed the entire political spectrum on immigration", a mega-flip flop if you will, in an effort to stay rooted in his Senate seat. In a few short years, he's gone from working with Ted Kennedy on a bill to "move most illegal immigrants towards legality", to barking out "Finish The Dang Fence" and "No Amnesty!" like a minuteman with Tourettes.

Back in 2008, Alternet had an article entitled "John McCain - 61 Flip-Flops and Counting". God alone knows what the total is now with one presidential campaign behind him and midterms looming.

Irony? Affirmative.

Columnist Cynthia Tucker examines the enduring mystery of Michael Steele still having a job. She concludes that he was 'an affirmative action hire gone bad' on the part of the GOP who are now stuck with him. Ha! Sweet, delicious irony...

Happy 4th July

I'll say happy birthday to America, drink a few Buds and launch bottle rockets with the best of 'em. But with the uncomfortable feeling that as a nation, our best years are way behind us. With unemployment figures the worst since the Great Depression, pay rates stuck at their mid-recession low with no sign of bouncing back and Paul Krugman warning that we're about to enter "The Third Depression" (where Bruce Lee gets to fight Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?), there's not much cause for celebration.

Seems to me that we're not so much celebrating independence from the British crown, but our continuing submission to the American corporatocracy that's been steering our governments, making us dumber and less engaged and generally raping working stiffs for generations. Oh well. Happy July 4th!

Quote of the Day

"How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice."
Mel Gibson to the "the mother of his love child"

Signs of The Dumbpocalypse

According to Asian News International, polls reveal that a whopping one in four Americans have no clue which country the United States declared independence from. Weirdly, six percent thought it was either France, China, Japan, Mexico, and Spain.

There's also another of those open-mic episodes making Republicans look seedier for preying on our collective dumbness: Michael Steele caught on tape calling the decade-long occupation of Afghanistan "a war of Obama's choosing". Dumb yes. But scarier yet, he was actually briefing GOP operatives to push the "Obama invaded Afghanistan" meme to distract attention from the vote-losing fact that the GOP is the party of George W. Bush. Are we really judged so stupid enough that that could be deemed a workable strategy??? Like... OMG.

But topping the list of Signs of The Dumbpocalypse has to be news that Glenn Beck is starting a university:

"Beck University is a unique academic experience bringing together experts in the fields of religion, American history and economics."

I have no words. If this is the level to which our nation has sunk, maybe we should throw in the towel and retract our declaration of independence from France.

Lindsey Graham Talks Truth To Power

Maybe 'power' might seem a weird word to use for a bunch of inchoate jerkwads like the Tea Partiers. In the real world, they amount to nothing but the annoying buzz of a few angry skeeters with man boobs. But in the GOP they are the power. And that's why Lindsey Graham must have balls that belie his middle-aged-lesbian-running-an-antique-store persona for taking them on.

In a new profile in the NYT, Graham tells them that they "have no vision, and you'll die out". He also tells a nice story to illustrate:

Graham also said he challenged a group of Tea Partiers in a meeting: "'What do you want to do? You take back your country -- and do what with it?'...Everybody went from being kind of hostile to just dead silent."

I'd give props to Graham for staying rational and almost single-handedly constituting the moderate wing of the GOP these days. But he knows as well as I do what those weasels mean when they talk about "taking back their country".

C'mon, Lindsey, let's cut the crap and quit pretending they're anything but a bunch of racist scumbags. Call them what they are and help finish them off quicker! C'mon, your people ain't gonna listen to me and Keith Olbermann!

Fresh, Delicious Wingnut Bait

According to a press release from the Siena College Research Institute:

For the fifth time since its inception in 1982, the Siena College Research Institute's (SRI) Survey of U.S. Presidents finds that experts rank Franklin D. Roosevelt as the top all time chief executive.

FDR topping the list must bring on some conservative snorts and pouts. But unlike me, they won't care much that Eisenhower is only ranked tenth because they've disowned him anyway. But there's worse news for conservatives:

George W. Bush, had entered the survey at 23rd when the study was last conducted one year into his first term. Today, just one year after leaving office, the former president has found himself in the bottom five at 39th rated especially poorly in handling the economy, communication, ability to compromise, foreign policy accomplishments and intelligence.

Ouch... burn! Could it get worse? Yup. Barack Obama enters the survey in the 15th position... already three points ahead of The holy Gipper. Double ouch. Third-degree burn!

But, hey, what would 238 presidential scholars, historians and political scientists know with all their fancy edumacation? Right wingnuts?

Palin-Sanity

Mooselini's latest whopper...

Said Palin in a speech at the International Bowl Expo in Las Vegas yesterday:

"My Dad was on a Thursday night bowling league," she said. "He bonded with his buddies. I have memories of that point of my life which mean very, very much to me."

Andrew Sullivan, that self-appointed curator of Palin's many lies, reminds us "Palin was three months old when she left Idaho." Therefore unlikely to remember much save blurred images of giant nipples and the occasional rattle of car keys.

There definitely comes a point when lying so prolifically and pointlessly crosses a line from self-serving dishonesty to straight-up insanity. Why the f*ck would anyone, even an idiot like Palin, drop a lie like that in public?

Israel's Policy of Apartheid

According to a Nicholas Kristoff op-ed at the NYT:

On one side of a barbed-wire fence here in the southern Hebron hills is the Bedouin village of Umm al-Kheir, where Palestinians live in ramshackle tents and huts. They aren’t allowed to connect to the electrical grid, and Israel won’t permit them to build homes, barns for their animals or even toilets. When the villagers build permanent structures, the Israeli authorities come and demolish them, according to villagers and Israeli human rights organizations.

On the other side of the barbed wire is the Jewish settlement of Karmel, a lovely green oasis that looks like an American suburb. It has lush gardens, kids riding bikes and air-conditioned homes. It also has a gleaming, electrified poultry barn that it runs as a business.

Elad Orian, an Israeli human rights activist, nodded toward the poultry barn and noted: “Those chickens get more electricity and water than all the Palestinians around here.”

Seriously, how do pro-Israel, anti-Palestine kneejerks defend this? When did plain wrong become subjective?

Rethugs Disowning NRA

What's that sound? It may be Charlton Heston turning in his grave...

According to Erick Erickson, the NRA is close to endorsing Harry Reid in Nevada instead of the usual Republican shoo-in. Why? Maybe because that usual Republican shoo-in is Sharron Angle. And she's too f*cking nuts even for gun nuts.

Reid has also recently thrown the NRA a bone by securing a $61 million earmark for a gun range in Clark County, Nevada which didn't hurt. So now the NRA's going lefty and ditching the Reps? Oh my... roll, Charlton, roll...

Although the NRA is theoretically apolitical, the wingnuts have long treated it as a GOP PAC because they assume only manly, ol' red staters (like Sharron Angle and Sarah Palin) own guns. But now there are murmurings amongst the c*ntservatives of disowning their gun-totin' brethren on even the merest rumor that they may back Harry Reid, he of the "extreme left-wing anti-gun voting record".

At Redstate, Erickson goes into detail on Harry Reid's "extreme left-wing anti-gun voting record" and it's a typically hysterical wingnut hatchet job that beats up on reality like it owes them money. Here's one example:

"March 2, 2000. Vote 32. Voted to use Federal taxpayer funds to hand out anti-gun literature in schools and to run anti-gun public service announcements."

What Erickson refers to is "The Affordable Education Act of 2000". And the nearest that bill comes to being "anti-gun" is a provision introducing programs to "educate students about the dangers associated with guns" and provide "information about safe gun storage to children and their parents". That's it. But to a deranged fantasist like Erickson, just teaching kids that guns can hurt you and you shouldn't leave loaded firearms laying around the house is an "extreme left-wing" attack on the Second Amendment.

In Erickson's world, would drivers ed teachers advising students to avoid brick walls also be considered anti-car? Would advice against storing radioactive materials in one's underpants be considered anti-nuclear? Would rules against pilots being high on crack be seen as anti-aviation..?